BOOK REVIEW: MY DARK VANESSA by KATE ELIZABETH RUSSELL

                                                

Sexual assault, molestation, or any other form of sexual misconduct is a nightmare for any parent. The mere thought of such wrongdoing sends shivers and chills down the spine!!! We bend backward trying to protect our children from all possible threats of sexual predators but sadly there have been instances when we fail to protect them. 

One such place where we put our trust in and send our children is the educational institution, be it a day school or a boarding school. However, honestly speaking, no place is safe, not even our homes!

This story is set in a boarding school where a young adolescent aged around 15 years old is coerced into an illicit sexual relationship with her English teacher. The story is from the point of view of the young girl. The story is very real because it talks about the lifelong impact of this relationship on the young girl- the way it molds her thought process, her behavior,  her growth as an individual, her self worth, her confidence- her entire being!!!  

The story talks about the psychological dynamics of this affair and brings to light some important concerns such as consent, participation, acceptance, and willingness. It's a heartwrenching story that makes a vulnerable 15-year-old girl, who has shifted to a new school, a new environment, an easy target for an experienced sexual predator. Moreover, the worst part is the way he manipulates the whole seedy affair into something that she believes is her choice and has an equal voice in!

The part which hit me the most is when toward the end of the book, she finally finds the courage and strength to question the relationship. 

She says, " I just really need it to be a love story." 

" Because if it isn't a love story, then what is it?" 

"It's my life. This has been my whole life."

Another aspect of the story that was dehumanizing was the way the school authorities made the adolescent take the blame for the relationship and expelled her from the school. The naive trusting girl accepted the blame as she was made to assume that she was a contending partner in this sordid affair!

This attitude of the school authorities is a mirror to the ugliness of our world, which does not bat an eye in blaming the weak and washing our hands off a matter, just to keep our IMAGE clean!

The emotional turmoil that a young woman is made to carry for a relationship that was wrong and twisted and thrust upon her against her will is so dispiriting and hurtful. I say 'against her will' because she was just a 15-year-old teenager-a sensitive minor in a new school trying to find her space, make new friends, understand the physical changes in her body, and when the older mature and so-called responsible adult started showing undue attention to her, she was simply overwhelmed. Neither her actions nor her words anywhere make us feel that she was OK with it. She just got swept into it and was deluded into believing that it was her choice. The guilt, the feeling of helplessness, anger, hurt, and the effects of such a huge trauma- all kept buried deep within her with no outlet to express and vent out. 

To be honest, I had almost given up writing a post on this book. This is a topic where there are no grey shades. It is plain and simple EVIL. I knew that my words might sound judgmental and that some might even feel that I am missing certain elements of the story here. 

However, finally, I decided to write what I felt about reading this book as the whole reason for this blog is to pen down my experiences as a reader. 

This post seems a bit abrupt now but there is no right or correct way to end it.

I just want to add that we all pray and hope and wish that our children never have to go through such ugliness ever in life. And God forbid, if ever something happens, I wish that we all remain strong and focused on being there for our children with love, acceptance, courage, hope, and positivity!

Till the next time happy reading!!!

BOOK REVIEW: BECOMING by MICHELLE OBAMA

                                                                          

BECOMING is the first audiobook that I tried and I am actually quite lucky to have chosen this book as my initiation into the world of audiobooks. What made the experience all the more mesmerizing and enthralling was that the book was narrated by Mrs. Obama herself. She made the incidents come alive for me. I could visualize her childhood home, her attending school, her first piano recital, and many more. 

Honestly speaking, this memoir needs no write up and no reviews; and neither does Michelle Obama. 

Hence, I thought I would rather write here what I have carried forward from this book. 

The most important thing that I learned was to be resilient. A simple word but so powerful and so motivating. I keep repeating this word to make myself move ahead whenever I am low, which is quite often these days, owing to the pandemic and that feeling of being stuck in uncertain times. This book made me realize that instead of playing the victim card, which does not suit me at all, I need to pull up my socks and be flexible and adaptive. I may not have a perfect life but I can sure make some changes and try to live a little better for myself.

Becoming taught me to enjoy the small moments of happiness that life gives us. We all plan and work hard for a bright future and a better life, but we should not forget our present for the future. The small simple joys of life, like family dinners, family outings, spending time with our parents, laughing out loud with the children on silly things are what make the most cherished memories and moments of our life. Money and luxuries do not bring us happiness- one of the oft-heard motivation lines ever heard. At times it seems so cliched and exasperating BUT it's a true fact. 

A school friend of mine had once commented in the WhatsApp group, "It's ok to be average, to not be the topper. We should celebrate being normal, encourage the normal/common!" 

Another word that I relearned was acceptance. This word is applicable in all our relations and in all the myriad facets of our life. This ordinary word has an extraordinary influence on us. It makes relationships simple and easier, makes handling tough situations a tad bit easy, and in extreme situations makes it easy to breathe and simply move on!

I studied in a catholic school where one of the first lessons we learned was to help others. Over time, we twisted this simple learning to suit our needs and to justify our selfish actions. This autobiography also talks about this basic thumb rule of life: be there for others! One does not need to be rich or affluent or a philanthropist to be a good human being. We need to be emphatic and lend a helping hand to others in whatever means we can. It can be just being there for them to lend silent support or to do something to alleviate their problems.

Another very important topic raised in this book is education, especially educating the girls. Coming from a conservative society and a country like ours, this topic is very close to my heart. I completely believe in the power of education and its importance in the life of a female. I come from a family where we were seven girls (cousins including), and at this juncture of our lives when we are all in our 40s with children growing up fast, we have one and only one regret: lack of a higher education !!!

As the name of this memoir goes, Becoming is us, you, me, and so many like us..... we who are adapting, changing, adjusting, learning, and moving ahead in life with our head held high and a heart that beats for her near and dear ones, and who wants a better world for her children, prays for it and does her bit for it!!!!!

I could not stop myself from adding a few quotes from Mrs. Obama's memoir here.

“Women endure entire lifetimes of these indignities—in the form of catcalls, groping, assault, oppression. These things injure us. They sap our strength. Some of the cuts are so small they’re barely visible. Others are huge and gaping, leaving scars that never heal. Either way, they accumulate. We carry them everywhere, to and from school and work, at home while raising our children, at our places of worship, anytime we try to advance.”

“At fifty-four, I am still in progress, and I hope that I always will be.”

“Your story is what you have, what you will always have. It is something to own.”

“Now I think it’s one of the most useless questions an adult can ask a child—What do you want to be when you grow up? As if growing up is finite. As if at some point you become something and that’s the end.”

“For me, becoming isn’t about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn’t end.”

Until the next time, happy reading!!